Hindsight is 20/20

July 1, 2009 at 23:07 (Uncategorized)

That’s a dumb saying 20/20 is not very good vision it’s just average a class B driver is required to have 20/10 and a pilot ideally has around 20/5. Anyways I wanted to post something more personal dealing with my past and where I messed-up.

A little background, in 2005 I had been going through college, but before I took any science classes I felt like God wanted me to get a strong background (or foundation in Christianese) in basic Christian Theology. So I looked into several bible colleges, predominantly Portland Bible College and Pensacola Christian College. The only reason I was looking at Pensacola is because they have a good Creation Science program, but God made it pretty clear I needed Basic Theology. And for that reason I went with Portland Bible College who is one of the only Bible college’s to cover all of Basic Theology in their first semester.

By fall of 2005 I knew I was going to Portland Bible College and leading up to me leaving everything was working out, I was able to get a full time job that quickly saved up all the money I needed. I probably could and should have had more saved up, but I got in an accident with my truck and had to buy a car, but it was the best car I’ve ever owned. Everything was moving along for me to go, but rarely in the ways I expected, which, in my opinion, is an indication that I am in God’s will. I am someone who believes that if God didn’t tell me something specifically I have no right to claim one way or another, so anytime someone would ask me how long I’d be up there I’d consistently reply. “I don’t know, maybe a year, maybe four years, or maybe just a semester.” Even once I got up there and people would ask me how long I’d be there I would respond exactly the same way.

My first semester was excelent, better than I could have expected. I was quickly able to get a job working for the church of the bible college. The job was normally reserved for foreign exchange students, but it just so happened for the first time in years there were few enough people who needed the position that I was able to get a job there. The entire semester was ideal, I learned a lot, made plenty of friends, and never felt bored or over-worked. Well if you can’t tell what I’m leading up to maybe I’m not as good of a writer as I try and convince myself I am. (convoluted self praise anyone?)

I can’t be sure when it happened, but at some point I decided I have to go back to PBC for another semester, if God had said anything to the contrary I must have ignored Him. I should have taken it as a hint when I couldn’t raise enough for the “down payment” for that semester, but instead I pressed on and asked my parents to help me. Even with my parents help I wasn’t able to fully pay the down payment, but they let me in and just gave me higher monthly payments. This all culminated into a drastically different semester, for starters I had to work twice as much, and I literally had no free time. Let me break down my average week for you: Monday through Friday I would work 4:00am – 8:00am in the PBC kitchen; immediately I’d go to classes which would last until about 1:00pm; after lunch, if I wasn’t tired, I’d ideally do class work, but usually I’d sleep until I had work at 7:00pm – 11:00pm; if your quick with math you already know that means, assuming I was responsible and did my school work, I’d only get 5 hours of sleep; but that’s not the end because on the weekends I’d work Saturday 7:00am-9:00pm with some what of a break in between; and Sunday I always helped out with something at the church 8:00am – 1:00pm then worked again 2:00pm – 9:00pm.

So besides school and work I had no time for anything, or at least I shouldn’t have. Unfortunately I allowed the stress to affect my morals, I’m someone who is never late and especially never tardy, but unfortunately on several occasions I allowed myself to be late both to classes and work. And even worse I stopped showing up to certain classes altogether. My quiet time suffered and eventually disappeared, my views of the church there became increasingly critical and even to this day is marred, my views on tithing are just barely recovering, and I’m certain I’ve missed out on something else God had planned for me.

I’m pretty sure what God intended me to do, if I had been listening to Him, was after my first semester to come back to Santa Maria and get a full time job that I’m sure he would have provided, get my own place, finish up my associates at Allan Hancock, and possibly get a scholarship to another college. Maybe not in that order but I’m pretty sure I’ve delayed if not negated some sort of blessing by not paying attention and just going with the flow of another semester.

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2 Comments

  1. tiffani said,

    It’s good to reflect but also move on. God still has something huge and awesome for you. Now it’s time to say I’m sorry I accept your grace and forgiveness. Now what have you got for me cause I’m here and I’m willing. One small step at a time, with your help Lord and the accountability of those around me show me your will for my life….

  2. Edward said,

    What would have happened if the South one the Civil War?

    no one really knows

    ditto on what Tiffani said

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